The Ten Commandments were engraved on two tablets. The five commandments etched on the first tablet deal with Man’s relationship with G‑d; the second tablet contains five commandments which concern Man’s relationship with his fellow Man.
Of the many Mitzvahs that impact and dictate our interpersonal relationships, G‑d selected these as the “Big Five”. It is therefore evident that within these commandments lies the basis of our relationship with our fellow Man. And although most of these prohibitions are admonitions against egregious sins which most of us wouldn’t even consider committing, they have subtle undertones which are applicable to us all.
If we can follow this 5-step process we are sure to sustain meaningful and healthy relationships with our fellow man:
1. Do not murder: Murder is a result of one person’s deeming another person totally insignificant. In truth, however, every human was created by G‑d in His holy image, and therefore has an innate right to exist. The first message we must internalize is the importance of respecting every individual. G‑d thinks this person is important—so should we.
2. Do not commit adultery: Misguided love. Yes, we must be loving, kind and respectful to everyone, but love isn’t a carte blanche which justifies all. There are guidelines which we must follow. Sometimes, faithful love – to a child, student, member of the opposite gender, etc. – entails being severe and abstaining from exhibiting love.
3. Do not kidnap: The essence of kidnapping is utilizing another for personal gain. We must focus on being a real friend; not being in the relationship only for our own benefit. Let’s be there for our friend even when it is uncomfortable or inconvenient for us.
4. Do not bear false witness against your neighbor: Every person is a judge. We are constantly observing our acquaintances and friends, judging their every word and action. We must be wary of a tendency to “bear false witness” in the process of issuing our personal verdict. We must always give the benefit of the doubt, taking into consideration various factors of which we may be unaware, ensuring that we don’t reach an erroneous judgment.
5. Do not covet your neighbor’s possessions: Be happy for our neighbor’s good fortune! All the abovementioned exercises pale in comparison with this final message imparted by the Ten Commandments. After we’ve trained ourselves to intellectually respect our fellow and consistently view him in a positive light, now it’s time to get our heart involved. Love him. Be happy with his accomplishments. Share his sorrow during his difficult moments. Don’t be afraid of getting emotionally involved—that’s what family is all about!
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Raleigh Resnick