Reflections: My son’s Upshernish
Last Thursday my family - surrounded by dear friends and members of the community - celebrated the Upshernish of my son Yankele.
An Upshernish is an ancient Jewish custom wherein a boy’s hair is cut for the first time on his third birthday. This marks the start of his formal Jewish education. And from the Upshernish onwards a boy begins to wear his Jewish uniform - kippa and tzitzit. A friend of mine put it succinctly: If "Today I am a man" is the Bar Mitzvah theme, then "Today I'm not a baby anymore" would be the theme of the Upshernish.
In our family this was the first Upshernish as Yankele is our oldest boy. So the experience was new to me. I’ve spent this past week reflecting a bit on the meaning of this milestone so please allow me to share some of my mental ramblings with you in honor of this Shabbat:
They tell a story about Bob, a young teller working in a bank. Yet instead of dressing like all the other tellers, Bob came to work each day dresses more formally - like a bank manager or vice-president. After some time, when the bank was meeting to hire a new manager, a member of the board said, “You know, Bob seems like he would fit the role perfectly. Why don’t we hire him?”
The point is fairly simple. Our external appearance - though superficial - makes a big difference. The way we feel and behave when we wear a suit is different than when we wear a tank-top and shorts. The façade we put on is more that just a façade. It affects our emotions and actions.
And nothing has expressed this truth to me more than the transformation I’ve seen in my post-Upshernish son. By merely removing his long curls, donning a kippa, and wearing tzitzit this little rambunctious boy has become aware that he is on the journey towards becoming a “tatty” (a father, in Yiddish). He acts differently. He talks differently. And he has left ‘babyhood’ behind hi
I share these thoughts with you because I believe they are relevant for each of us.
We all strive to grow and mature internally and spiritually. And sometimes the road to growth seems ‘superficial’ and ritualistic. Yet, it is precisely these external motions that touch our inner core and evoke real change.
So let us put it to the test and see to magic for ourselves. Tonight is Shabbat. Before sitting down to dinner this evening take a shower and get dressed up. These superficial steps will make Shabbat all the more meaningful. Try it!
Fruma and our children join me in wishing you and your family a Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Raleigh Resnick
